So I have been wanting to write this blog for a while, but have found little time to breath, let alone write one of my novel-length entries, since my return to US soil. Between the trips, paperwork, plethora of social appointments, daily to-dos and general running around, my schedule has been jam-packed. (and yes I can hear those of you who are mocking me...brittany, schedule?! hah!...but yes in some way, shape or form I have had one here almost every day) But finally, here it is 1 am on a sunday night, and I have all the time in the world to write to you lovely folks. And not only do I have the time, but I also have the other two key ingredients to successful writing, the inspiration and the mental clarity. So here it goes...

I am now in Southern California, in the Inland Empire, or the I.E. according to latest abbreviation trends, to be exact. I have been here for two weeks straight, though four and a half weeks on and off. Before that, as most of you are aware, I was living in Munich, Germany. I was, in fact, an au pair to Irene and Martin Bruckmeier. Irene was 5.5 when I arrived in Germany last February and Martin was 3.5. They are now as you can imagine a year older...you do the math ;). And I am now missing them terribly. The year was rough sailing, but full of amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experiences, unforgettable moments and indispensable life lessons. I wouldn't have had it any other way, and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to live out this year in Germany.

Now let's talk a bit about transitions, about just how weird it can truly be to move from one world, one reality, one way of life, one place, one country, to another. Now let's talk about how moving after a year of experiences, a year of growth and life lessons, a year of challenges in an environment that was in the beginning completely foreign and unknown but that in the end had somehow become your home, back to the place you spent the first 18 years of your life, long before you had found your own voice or identity, can really stir things up inside and unsettle you. It is all so surreal. It leaves you wondering where you are, who you are, why you are here and not there, what day it is, and basically just how?!

How did this all happen? How am I here, back in my old room surrounded by old friends and family, back on those familiar streets that I drove my whole life, back to being surrounded by a language I can effortlessly understand and converse in, back to strip malls and fast food restaurants on every corner, back to shopping malls and big movie palaces, back to the predictability and known, when just two months ago I was in Germany, riding my bike and walking everywhere, speaking my broken german, picking up Martin from kindergarten and Irene from school, living in my little white room with its bright green curatins, going over to my friend birgit's apartment to listen to music and cook or going out for drinks or kaffee or a meal with friends or strolling through the Englischer Garten or along the Isar in my freetime?! How is it that only two months ago I had no security blanket to turn to, that the only one I could rely on was me and now I am surrounded on all sides by people who have known me for most of, if not all, my life and who love me unconditionally, to whom I know I could turn to no matter what if I needed help? How is it that it was the dead of winter, with snow all around and now it is summer and the skin on my face is slightly tanned from a mere few hours outside? How is it that the 4 or 5 people who were most essential to my life in Germany and who I saw and/or talked to on a weekly basis at the very least are now soo so soooo far away and our contact seldom and sparse?! How is it that in one day, over the course of a 12 hour flight, you can be worlds, and realities apart, that your life changes completely? How is it that everything you've built up over a year is then suddenly ripped right out from under your feet? HOW?!

Well, you know I have been living this life for a good two/three years now, the life of the nomad that is, and I gotta say it does NOT get any easier with time. In fact, in some aspects it definitely gets harder. The longer you are away, and the more formative experiences you have, the stranger it gets to be home, to come back to a life once-lived, to the life of a girl you once were but who if you saw her today you'd barely recognize as yourself. Of course I am being dramatic, but that is how it feels sometimes.

You change, people change, things happen and shit goes down. As a very wise woman I once knew, and still know, just recently told me, "Life is a crapshoot". You never know what will happen, but chances are it will affect you in some way or other, and you, like all others, will be forever changed. Now imagine you leave your roots and your comfort zone and put yourself somewhere where you are completely out of your element, and are bombarded daily, if not by the minute, by something new and unfamiliar and challenging, and you as a result are exposed to knew ways of thinking, seeing the world, and living life, and you learn and you change and you grow. Then imagine coming back to where you started. It's like running a race and getting 3/4 of the way through only to discover that you are back at the starting line. It's confusing, disorienting and pretty much makes no sense. But with time you wrap your mind around it and regain your bearings, and are ready to dive right back in. I am not sure if that was a good analogy or if it was effective in communicating the message I was hoping to send, but hey was worth a try.

It's late and I am tired, and believe all my inspiration and writing ability has left me...so until the next free moment!!

And remember: Life is beautiful, amazing and wonderous...every moment of it...you just have to keep your eyes, your mind and your heart open to all that is around you!!